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Post by cuminmebro Sat Sep 14, 2024 8:49 pm

Going to hit you with a new one and an old one:

New:

Honestly. Trump should be TERRIFIED. Especially after this Dick Cheney endorsement.

I was over at my dads house today helping with some household chores. He lives in a very rural area of a very red state. At the end of the work we went to one of the nearby country bars. It’s the kind of place that farmers, truckers, legit cowboy boot wearers and the working class go to unwind with a cold one.

Vice President Harris was on the TV and the local gun store owner said to his auto mechanic (friends since high school),

“You know what? She ain’t so bad. The economy is recovering, nobody’s rioting, and we’re standing up on the world stage again. Can’t believe I’m saying this but Ol’ Oakland Kam’s got my vote this year.”

I looked around and all I saw were heads nodding in agreement. I heard a few calls of “Yes sir” and “Damn Straight” from the men around me. Even saw the lonely ball cap wearing farmer in the corner raise his drink with a nod.


Old:

Your eyes are too far apart. Nose is definitely crooked. The shape of your face is not aesthetically pleasing at all. You look like a 3/10 with make up in this photo. I don't even want to imagine what you look like without make up. I actually just threw up in my mouth, just thinking about it.

Your head is too big (although that may be, because of your giraffe neck posture). As for your hair, lol. Seriously, do something. You look like a horse.

Stare at your face for more than 5 seconds, and you will see how ugly you are. The eyes which are too far apart is what ruins/damages an already ugly face even further. Unfortunately for you, that can't be surgically fixed, lol.

You arms are way too long. lol at how they hang by your sides. Kind of reminds me of lurch. As for your tits, we all know there is extra padding there. Don't even let me start on your pale complexion. It only works if you look hot. Unfortunately, you do not look hot. Its hard to sum up a creature like you in one word. 'UGLY' would be unfair, since it doesn't reflect how repulsive you look. GROTESQUE is stretching it. But somewhere in between, is where you would be, on the scale of an average man.

I'm sorry if my words seem a little harsh. Just so you know, I sugar coated this post as much as possible.

Have a nice day.


Post yours misk
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Post by NEETvestor Sat Sep 14, 2024 9:00 pm

Ugh. I’ve been there. I ended a 5-year relationship I was in after it became too hard to ignore his shitty beliefs. One of our biggest fights was about Brett Kavanaugh and how he didn’t believe the woman that accused him of sexual assault, nor did he believe the women who accused trump. I screamed so hard at him that he literally cried, and I’m not saying that as a point of pride, because I don’t take pleasure in making people feel bad and I don’t think this type of conflict is healthy, but that was one where I was like, “GOOD. Maybe he’s starting to understand how fucked up this is.” It’s incredibly triggering to me as a woman who’s been sexually assaulted and saw no justice in that situation.

But nope, it was only a matter of time before he called me a communist and “crazy leftist,” and I ended it right then and there. That was in January 2020.

Being alone for the entirety of the pandemic did get to me a little, and I agreed to see him again in 2022. We had a really nice time together, and I started to entertain the idea of getting back together with him despite my better judgment. This was in June. And when Roe v. Wade was overturned, I texted him and told him to get fucked. I immediately remembered his defense of that POS Kavanaugh and I was disgusted with him and myself for ever talking to him again.

All of that’s to say, I know how hard it can be to walk away in these situations. But I really hope you do. I found someone else who shares my values and beliefs and would never in a million years support politicians who want to strip me of my rights, or predators such as Andrew Tate. 10/10 would dump that asshole again.
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Post by wickedsmaht Sat Sep 14, 2024 9:01 pm

I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
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Post by DrugsToGetBig Sat Sep 14, 2024 10:58 pm

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one
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Post by LargePeter Sun Sep 15, 2024 1:09 am

i come to study Mechanical Engineering at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American video game and then we are kiss. We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i ** this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though. I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.

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Post by wickedsmaht Sun Sep 15, 2024 1:12 am

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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Post by wickedsmaht Sun Sep 15, 2024 1:15 am

DrugsToGetBig wrote:M&Ms

i posted this on facebook back in 2008 and my oneitis who i barely ever talked to liked it. was happy for like 3 straight days srs
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Post by LargePeter Sun Sep 15, 2024 1:16 am

Woke up this morning 5:30 sharp with a blowjob from two bitches, one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. Must have came about a quart of sperm. They wanted more, cockslapped them unconcious, I had to hit the gym. Frontflipped from my 14th floor loft into my valet parked 2026 Ferrari (I got connexions) and gave the valet 3000$ in loose change. Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at the gym in no time. When I entered, the room scent suddently changed from sweat to wet pussy. That’s just the effect I have on hoes. Did my usual relax routine, 6000 push-ups, 8500 crunches, bench bressed 30 plates, etc. etc. you know the drill. After doing my shit in 16 minutes, my super strong senses got in action, I was smelling pussy. I looked up, and sure enough this fly honey was coming towards me. When i say fly, I mean that bitch was fine as a fucking umbrella. 18 years old, 44DD titties on a tight fucking frame. I mean a real skinny bitch, the type you losers jack off to, she didn’t weigh more than 5 pounds. Took out my trouser monster and she started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. Then I gave it to her while all the guys were giving me high fives and all the hoes were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Made the cunt beg for my cum, but I didn’t give it to her to prove a point, I still came but only compressed air came out, imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. Didn’t say nothing, hopped back in the Lambo and went back home. Now I’m sitting here, drinking 15 000$ champagne and eating gold plated sushis made by the 2 bitches from earlier. It’s only 6:30 and I did more in 1 hour than you faggots will do your whole life. Enjoy jacking off to stupid drawn pictures. Carl out.

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Post by Offwhitebrah Sun Sep 15, 2024 9:26 am

I found out my girlfriend shits in the shower what do i do?

Don't really know to get into this but I'll start by laying out a few details.

So I've been dating this girl for about 4 months now and she is amazing ( up until I found out about this) like seriously amazing, both fallen hard for each other, I've met her family and she's met my limited family and it's been going great. She stays over a couple of times a week and I love her company and I'm very much In love with her. So finding out about this hit me quite hard and I've felt really weird since.

I don't want to get into to much detail because its overall a pretty bizzare situation but basically at the start of the week she was at my place and we were chilling and caught up with the latest episode of the mandalorian (great TV show btw) and she goes off to take a shower which is normal after a day of work. So I'm chilling ln my room browsing Reddit and catching up with shit and I need to take a piss. I go to the bathroom and walk in to a room where I'm engulfed in the smell of shit and also it's steamy as hell in there.

I'm taken a back clearly and trying to make sense of it because the toilet lid is down but the smell is so strong so I ask my girlfriend if she's okay, she says she's great and she's nearly done she's just trying to get rid of this. At this point I'm horrified and as I approach the shower curtain ( it's a black curtain so I can't see shit) I kinda realize what she's done and I pull back the curtain and she faces me to smile at me and I look down and there's about half a shit clogging up the drain and she's clearly been trying to stomp it down.

I Had a lot of emotions running through my head all at once, horror, disgust and surprisement, mainly at her reaction of me walking in on her trying to waffle stomp a shit down the fucking drain, and I couldn't get my head around how cool and collected she was. I basically just said wtf are you doing and tbh her reply was more of surprise at my reaction of seeing what she was doing as in she didn't see the big deal about it and didn't get why I was so horrified.

It was fucking weird.

I left the bathroom obviously and we had a talk about it and she thought it was a normal thing to do. She needed a shit and just went for it. Apparently she was raised in a household where that was a normal thing to do and I just couldn't comprehend it. After a while talking she reassured me she didn't do it all the time but just whenever she needed a shit while in the shower.

I tried explaining that this was definitely not normal or a cool thing to do whatsoever and she kinda flipped it back on me as if I was shaming her and got upset.

Like i said I love this girl but this has properly rocked me and I don't know what to do.
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Post by NEETvestor Sun Sep 15, 2024 10:20 am

I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a dump on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.
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Post by Offwhitebrah Sun Sep 15, 2024 12:19 pm

I want to fuck Xavier so baddd!!! His face looks so hot!! Ughhh~ im having horny thoughts because I keep thinking of him! Xavier's funny humor turns me on!!! Whenever I see Xavier under a post, I instantly masturbate to him, after that, the entire room gets blasted with cum. And whenever I see a meme about him, I ejaculate so hard that it bursted a hole through the wall! Xavier is truly the funniest and hottest person in the world! And I want him to impregnate me and start a family together
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